Am I Allowed to Love You?
by lil'chrome-chan
Summary: Apparently, Sakamoto's neat planning to spend his Earth vacation with Oryou was crushed and caused him to find Mutsu instead. Is it just his usual antic or is there a deeper meaning to it? A one-night stand reveals a number of hidden feelings between the two.[SakaMutsu feelsy fic]
1. Kiss

**I plan to make this a trilogy. But well, it's just a planning.**

 **I don't wish for a lot of favorites or follows or reviews, I just want to add more fanfic for this amazing pairing simply because I love them so much T ^ T**

 **Please, anybody out there, write more of this pairing!**

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"Mu…tsu…"

Her hands never stopped writing the paperwork that was supposed to be done by the man behind her. She had grown to be able to completely block his voice from her hearing sense, of which was why she could ignore him like he was merely air.

"Mutsuuu!"

It was a quiet night. Her room was supposed to be the most serene place in the whole ship, but the moment her loud Captain got in and wrecked the peace into pieces, her sole sanctuary was exterminated. In the past, whenever he did that, she would get very pissed and would slam his head into the wall or, if she was kind enough, just kick him out of the room. However, let a few minutes pass and he'd come back again and go rampage. Over time, she learned that ignoring him would be the wisest choice.

"Listen, Mutsu! Oryou-chan is takin' a short leave and that means I can't meet her at all! Even though I can finally visit Earth! Hey, are ya listenin' to me?"

Mutsu didn't react. Her back was facing him as she dutifully sort out the paperwork that wasn't even her job. She could only hope that he got tired of throwing tantrums and went to sleep or something, because he had been rolling on her futon like it was his own. It was going to smell when she was going to sleep. Now she really regretted ever exchanging room keys with this idiot.

Mutsu quietly checked her watch. It was 1 a.m.

She involuntarily let out a small cough. The night was chilly. She might catch a cold because she stayed up late almost everyday. Feeling the need to maintain her health, she decided to stop in ten minutes, and if her sad excuse of a Captain was still there by then, she would crush the spare key he possessed and seriously kick him out of the room.

"I'm so lonely! Mutsuuu!" The moment he said that, he slammed his body onto her and almost made her face fall flat onto the paper.

Pissed off, Mutsu quickly elbowed his stomach and he flew to the other side of the room.

She slowly approached him before stepping on his stomach. Looking down at Sakamoto with her ice cold eyes, Mutsu mumbled, "Can't you see I'm doing yer goddamned work? Ya ungrateful idiot barbarian, I'm seriously gonna throw ya into the sea the next time ya bother me this late at night."

"Ahahaha ahahaha! At last you respond!" He still managed to let out that annoying laugh in that situation.

"Shut yer loud laughter, ya moron. Ya'll wake up the crews."

"Right, right! We're not supposed to wake 'em up!"

"At least you've got common sense."

"We're goin' to make babies, after all!"

"…What?"

.

.

 **Chapter 1: Kiss**

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"Ya see, I finally managed to sleep with Mutsu last night! Ahahaha!"

Sakamoto Tatsuma laughed heartily, with his hand scratching his unruly black hair, as if he was just saying a funny joke. His bold statement earned a shocked look from the shopkeeper, and a spurt of _sake_ originating from Sakata Gintoki's mouth.

"You… what?!" Gintoki asked in-between coughs.

"It was wonderful! I never knew Mutsu was a virgin—"

"Wait, wait, waaiiiiitt! Stop right there! What on Earth?! That wasn't a joke?! Eh? So, what? You really did it to her?!" Gintoki asked in extreme disbelief. He had talked to Mutsu a few times before and she didn't seem like the type who would agree to spend a night with a man, not to mention this huge idiot. Well, he could see that the girl held a pretty high amount of respect towards his old friend despite not showing it openly, but not to the point of wanting to spend a night with him.

"Oh I know… you drugged her, didn't you?"

"Ahahaha! Are ya pickin' a fight, Kintoki?"

"But it just doesn't make any sense! Why would a fine woman like that sleep with a huge dumb scumbag who already land a hand to thousands of women like you?!"

"Ahahaha! That's pretty rude. I think I've only slept with thirty women or so?"

"Stop! You're making it sound real, stop!" Gintoki covered his ears childishly.

"But then again, Mutsu refused to let me kiss her. She said I'm allowed to do anything other than a kiss. I even did *beep* and *beep* to make her weak and find an opportunity, but she's just so wary!"

"Just how desperate are you?! Do you want a kiss that much?!"

"Well, a kiss is supposed to be the beginning of everything, right? And, ya know, Mutsu's pretty strong for a girl! Not to mention, she's still a virgin—"

"For god's sake, shut up already! Are you just here to brag or what?! And hell yeah, she's strong! She's a Yato!"

"Yato, eh? I have no idea what it is, but Mutsu is just plain ol' Mutsu to me."

"Well, Yato is a rare race of Amanto that really resembles human in every nook and cranny. Uh… It sounds arrogant. It might just the other way around. It is _us_ whoresemble _them._ I mean, they're superior no matter how you look at it. Our Kagura can blow off a tank on her own!" Gintoki finished with a sip of _sake_ before ordering some more. "But then again, how can you not notice that your Vice Captain is a Yato? I mean, she must eat a lot too. Kagura eats like a growing elephant."

"Now that you mention it, she used to eat thirty times a day. Now she tones it down to eatin' eight-person worth of food, three times a day." Sakamoto recalled. When he first saw her eat, he only thought that she might have a bigger appetite than most people.

"That is clearly weird! There is no normal human who eats that much! Even Kobayashi Takeru can't eat that much! I'm surprised you never asked her about it!"

"Ahahaha! I was told by my mom to always respect people's privacy!"

"You never seem to respect _my_ privacy though?!"

There was an awkward silence between them before Gintoki decided to ask one more thing that had been on his mind from the moment Sakamoto mentioned what he did last night with his subordinate.

"Why did you suddenly feel like sleeping with her? Do you seriously like her or you're just using her as a replacement for your cabaret girl?"

"Ahahaha! What's wrong, Kintoki? It's not like ya to pry on people's business."

"Well, maybe a certain idiot's tendency to do so has finally infected me."

"Ahahahaha," Sakamoto laughed it off before pouring more _sake_ into his cup. "It's not sudden. I've been having those thoughts from time to time. Well, I've been with Mutsu for ten years straight and she's getting manlier and manlier each year, but she's still strikingly beautiful. Ya can't deny that. But she's always outta my league. Unlike those cabaret girls, Mutsu is a capable girl. She has a bright future waiting for her. With that in mind, I usually refrain from landing a hand on her. Ahahaha!"

Raising an eyebrow, Gintoki said, "Hoo… never knew you're capable of seeing that. But well, if not for her, you'd be long dead, useless Captain."

"True, that!"

"So… does that mean you seriously like—"

The conversation abruptly ended when a person roughly opened the sliding door and shouted, "There you are, ya sunglasses-wearing moron. I took my eyes off ya for three seconds and you escaped like a cheetah. Now get your sorry ass back to the ship, we have tons of things to do!" Mutsu violently gripped on Sakamoto's white scarf and dragged him with her.

"Mu-Mutsuuuu! You can be a bit gentler! A bit gentler, please!" Sakamoto screamed about while kicking his legs. "You were gentle last night on be—"

Without ever finishing that line, the man Sakamoto Tatsuma was thrown into the Kaientai fleet with a single fling.

.

.

.

That afternoon, Gintoki was once again invited to a drink by Mutsu herself. It seemed like she was planning to talk about what she and Sakamoto did as well. It left Gintoki wondering why he had to act like a parent to them, but since they were paying for his booze, he was more than willing to lend an ear to their dilemma.

Gintoki was the first one to talk when Mutsu took a seat beside him at the counter and ordered some Japanese _sake._

"So… I heard from that bastard Tatsuma that you guys did _it_?"

Unfazed, Mutsu poured the _sake_ into her cup and calmly asked, "Which are you referring to? The *beep* or *beep* or *beep* style?"

"Just how many rounds did he go for?! That sperm factory!" Gintoki shouted, slamming his cup on the counter.

Mutsu had one hand massaging her shoulder as she said, "I never knew there are so many ways to have sex. My whole body aches and it's preventing me from doing my job properly today."

"Heeeyyy! Why are you spouting out some immoral things while being unfazed?! Weren't you a virgin?!"

"Being a virgin doesn't matter. And that idiot curl unleashed too much load, even though he regularly visits cabaret clubs every week."

"Don't look down on men's hormones, you! Listen here, Vice Captain, not releasing loads for a week is enough to make us sex maniacs!"

"Hoo… the I guess I should chop off his dick and make him a woman." A sinister smile formed on her lips. Gintoki had to wonder why she only showed smiles in the most sadistic situation ever.

"Don't even joke about something like that." Gintoki's face was blue. When he was about to have more drink, he was reminded of something he'd wanted to ask. The same question as before, "Why did you agree to sleep with that scumbag anyway?"

"I wonder why. He keeps callin' for this woman—Oryou—while we're on it, too."

 _What the fuck is wrong with that guy?! Why is he calling another woman's name, dammit!_ Gintoki screamed internally. "A-ahaha," he laughed nervously, "that guy should really tell the difference between you and his cabaret girls, eh?"

"I don't really mind," she said calmly, her eyes closed. "It's not like I have feelings for him. I just agreed because it seems like he can't work at all because that cabaret girl's takin' a break. But even after he released his load, it doesn't seem like he's workin'. I should've refused."

"What the hell! You let him take your first time for that shallow reason?!"

"…Because I don't have much time too…"

"Uh, what? I can't hear you."

"It's nothing." She stood up and left some cash on the counter. "Thanks for listenin'. I gotta go. We still have some work to do."

"Don't overwork yourself, Vice Captain. If you're gone, that moron is done for."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Gintoki could spot a ghost of a smile when she said that.

.

.

.

Kaientai was not going through busy days at the moment. The crews were enjoying the luxury of longer leisure time and more edible foods after they stayed on Earth for a few days. Their Captain, Sakamoto Tatsuma, did tell them that they would stay on Earth for roughly a week to rest their wings since Christmas was coming. His original plan was to visit cabaret bar every day, but that plan was crushed on the first day of his visit when he received the news that his favorite girl was having a one-month leave to visit her parents.

The Razor Vice Captain, Mutsu, was the only hardworking person even in their leisure time. She was arranging schedules far ahead and was taking care of stuff she could take care of at the present, which was originally the job of the Captain himself. Even so, not even one year since Kaientai was first founded, every job related to paperwork and schedules, sometimes even the real negotiation itself, was done by the Vice Captain.

Sakamoto Tatsuma, the leader of Kaientai, was a mere figurehead, or so many people thought. Little did they know that his existence was what pushed his Vice Captain so far. Merely his existence was enough to support her.

There was one time when Sakamoto joked about leaving Kaientai, and Mutsu showed a visible disagreement in her face despite not directly responding. And that was probably why she would be nicer to him whenever he showed signs of wanting to leave for good.

That was probably also why she had agreed to sleep with him that night.

"Scumbag…" Mutsu breathed, her hands still holding the schedule paper as she walked down the corridor.

It was quiet. Many of the crews left the ship to have some fun downtown; fooling around with women or just get drunk to oblivion. It was rare for Kaientai to ever have long break. This year's Christmas break was one of the longest they'd ever had, so it was just natural to see them spread out their wings and release the stress of work. Mutsu wouldn't blame them, really. They were all nice people. They would always look out for her and asked if she was exhausted and even offered to do her job, to which she would always decline.

That scumbag Sakamoto, on the other hand, pushed his job to her and went to have fun with women out there.

She had to stay up late nearly every day to do his job. Sleep deprivation was nothing to her, really. But the fact that the bastard was being irresponsible pissed her off to no end. And what pissed her off the most was the fact that she needed his presence no matter how much of a jerk he was.

"Mutsuuuu!"

Speak of the devil. The bastard's coming.

"Nobody's here! Let's have sex agai—OUCH!"

Before he could finish that line, Mutsu landed a powerful kick on his crotch and made him curl up on the floor.

"WHY?!" he screamed in agony.

"Why? Do ya think of me as yer sex toy or something?" Mutsu mumbled, her eyes looking down on him coldly. "Do ya expect me to say 'oh, okay' immediately?"

"Ugggh… god, that's hard…" he mumbled, holding his crotch.

"Anyway, _unlike_ you, I have tons of things to do. For the sake of Kaientai's future, get the hell outta here. Just find some cabaret girl and never come back for all I care," Mutsu said coldly before turning on her heels and continued walking down the corridor.

.

.

.

"So, why are you here again, you friggin' womanizer?"

"Uhh, well, I wonder if ya'll let loose if we're in your room. Ahahaha!"

Mutsu eyed the stupid Captain with her most menacing glare, although he seemed unaffected by it. She was planning to get an early sleep tonight because her body was aching like hell.

"I'm not gonna spend my energy on another night with you. For the love of God, just find another woman for tonight."

"But why? Is it because I made you cry when I took your first?"

She slammed his face into the wall before saying, "I didn't cry, goddammit. And I'm just tired, seriously. There's no other reason. I want to have a good sleep tonight."

"Just so you know, I never did it inside to anyone besides you, Mutsu." She could hear him from the wall.

There was a slight surprise in her eyes. Luckily, he couldn't see her from behind the wall. She bit her lip and tried to suppress her heartbeat by hitting her chest again and again. Shaking her head violently, she then took a deep breath. Her hand reaching for her neck, where he had left marks all over the night before. The marks he left while calling another woman's name. And now he said things that made her feel like he held her dearer than anyone else.

Sakamoto had really grown into a playboy, she thought.

She remembered waking up earlier than him that morning just to wash off everything he'd released inside her because she didn't want to feel special. To him, she was nothing but a replacement, after all. Whenever her heart reacted, she would beat her chest until it stopped.

A series of loud coughs escaped from her lips and sent chills down her spines. She was feeling sick because of the cold weather and wanted a good night sleep. But then again, looking at the man beside her, who had finally released his head from the wall, she let out a sigh.

"Just tonight, ya hear me? Tomorrow I demand a full day off."

He jumped happily. "Really, Mutsu? Oh, you don't know how much I love you!" he said as he gave her a tight hug.

"Let us start!"

When he said that, he inched his face closer to her but she put a hand on his lips and said, "No kissing."

.

.

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 _ **To be continued**_


	2. Heart

**Wow, I was only expecting about 2 or 3 favorite/follows and I honestly didn't expect any review at all. Thank you for reading this fanfic! I will try my best to finish it as soon as possible! If possible, I want to write more and more stories about these two! X3**

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It was the first night after they had landed on Earth. Sakamoto Tatsuma excitedly told his Vice Captain that he was going to the cabaret bar and would be doing so until they left Earth. Mutsu indifferently sent him off and warned him not to catch any weird disease, to which he responded by calling her shitty woman as usual.

After seeing him off, Mutsu went to her room to take care of several paperworks that were supposed to be Sakamoto's job. She would usually work until he returned, dead drunk, and dragged him to his room before sleeping herself. There were nights when he never returned and she never had her sleep. She never considered it a burden. It would only mean she could finish more work.

But that night, it was a tad bit different.

Sakamoto came back after twenty minutes, attention-deprived, and kept pestering her all the while she was doing _his_ part of work. She was surprised he could reach this level of annoyance while not even drunk. She had planned to ditch him and did her work until he finally said something very surprising.

"We're going to make babies, after all!"

"…What?"

She had thought that it was his usual joke. He said it with a big grin, after all. But when she made a gesture to ignore him, the smile vanished from his face.

"I'm serious, Mutsu."

"Why would you be? Oh, probably because your favorite bitch isn't here? That's why you want a replacement hole? I'm sorry but there are a lot of other pretty payable girls out there—"

"If I want any other girl, I would have done that and not coming back here, you know?"

"I have no idea why ya would even consider spending a night with me, that's why I'm makin' assumptions, mister womanizer. Whatever. I'll let this slide as a sick joke. Just get outta my room and have some decent sleep while you're not drunk." Mutsu turned around and sorted out the documents neatly.

Mutsu had thought that her words was sharp enough to send him off or at least change his mind, but all he did was pleading again and again until she finally gave up. Of course, it wasn't because he used force to push her down or anything like that. She was the stronger one out of them. She could even break his skill should she ever feel like it. But something inside her told her that he was acting weird and she couldn't deal with him the same way she always did.

She hated how she was always so soft on him and spoiled him rotten. The fact that he became so irresponsible might be because she was too competent.

That night, Sakamoto took her virginity away while calling another woman's name. She had pretended to not hear it; something she's gotten good at. She would keep her voice down during the entire activity, even avoided to call his name. She would cover her face with the back of her palm and he would ask if he was allowed to kiss her, but she flatly refused and never told him the reason. It was because she believed that a kiss was the proof of love, not sex. She didn't want a person who didn't love her to kiss her.

The next morning, she woke up to wash all the sperm from inside her, with tears blending into the shower. She was upset. In the end, she couldn't help but feel hurt by his actions. Even though she'd sworn to never expect anything, she began to hope.

Every time she wanted to forget, she was reminded of his soft voice, his touch, his smell.

If only her heart was as strong as her physics, she wouldn't have to go through much trouble.

.

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 **Chapter 2: Heart**

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It was the second night they'd spend together. The next morning she woke up earlier than him just to realize that he'd been holding her all night. And then she was reminded that he was calling her name instead of the other woman's last night. She'd looked at his blissful sleeping face and played with his hair a bit before getting up and washed herself in the shower again. Her eyes were hot and tears were threatening to fall, yet her fist kept pounding at her chest to stop her accelerating heartbeat.

 _Stop seeing impossible dreams, Mutsu,_ she silently told herself.

She let out a series of coughs. She was coughing a lot lately and it was clear that she needed plenty of rest. Getting sick was not something she was fond of. The fact that she hated it when people worry about her and she would trouble them made her somewhat strict when it came to maintaining health. Luckily, being a Yato, she was basically immune to sickness, although there were some exceptions.

Sakamoto had promised to give her a full day off today, too, and she was looking forward to it.

When she finished showering, she could hear him calling her name in a tired, hoarse voice. She later learned that he was only sleeptalking.

"Hmm… Mutsu…" he mumbled incoherently. She stared at him with half-lidded eyes, wondering if she should wake him up now. "…You're… mine…" he mumbled again.

Mutsu's eye twitched at that and she quickly beat her chest again before squatting beside him and shook him violently to wake him up instead of kicking him like usual. It didn't take long for him to open his eyes wide.

"What is it, idiot curl? Ya need something? Ya were calling for me," she muttered. Her hair was still wet, and she had her towel around her neck.

Without answering, Sakamoto quickly moved his hand to pull her face closer in an attempt to kiss her. However, she was faster. With a sweep of her hand, his body was thrown to the other side of the room. Her brute strength never ceased to amaze him.

"Try harder next time," she said in a rather challenging manner. "Don't look down on us Yato."

"Ahahaha! Ya got me there!"

"Shut yer annoying laughter. Get outta here, the crews are goin' to notice if you leave after they woke up."

"What's the big deal? Let 'em know."

"Tsk. Stop takin' this lightly. Ya have no more dignity to protect, but I don't wanna lose face in front of the crews yet. Now get outta here before I crush yer balls."

"Maybe I'll leave if ya give me a morning kiss?" he said playfully, sticking his lips forward in a childish manner and occasionally peeking under his eyes.

"How can anyone give birth to an annoying creature like ya?" Mutsu mumbled in distaste.

"Ahahaha! I hope our kids don't turn out like me!"

"Who's goin' to give birth to yer kids? Dream on."

"Eh? But we're makin' babies, so I'm doin' this with that in mind?"

Mutsu was speechless for a brief moment as she stared at the smiling man. Not sure where the conversation is going, she responded with, "That's rich, coming from the man who once told me he'll never fuse with me."

"Ahahahaha! I said that at the spur of the moment back then. But then again, it's not completely wrong. I wanted to keep ya pure."

Raising a brow, Mutsu shot a puzzled look at the man. Now she was even more unsure as to where the conversation was going. She was conflicted whether to end the conversation right there or ask more questions because she was curious. Unfortunately, before she could decide, she could hear a knock.

"Mutsu-san? Are you available?" a crew asked from behind the door.

Not bothering to open the door, Mutsu answered on the spot,"Hm? What's the matter?"

"We were going to find Sakamoto-san to discuss something but we couldn't find him in his room. Did he contact you last night about where he was going?"

At that, Mutsu turned to look at the man on her futon, who was smiling excitedly like he was going to tell the world what he did last night. She signaled him with a glare to shut up and leave it to her and he gave a dissatisfied look.

"He's probably just blowing his cash on some bitches. Never mind him. It's not like this is the first time. What did you want to discuss about?"

"It's about the goods he'd asked us to fetch last night. Although we don't think it's related to work."

Mutsu raised a brow. "Huh? What's that? I didn't hear a thing about it. Where was it from?"

"Uhh… wait, let me read it… it's from—"

"AAAAHH!" Sakamoto yelled as he quickly dashed towards Mutsu and covered her ears as though preventing her from listening to what the crew was about to say. Naturally, his screams stopped the crew from saying anything more.

"Mu-Mutsu-san?! Are you alright?! I think I heard Sakamoto-san's voice from inside!"

"What the fuck are you doing, you barbarian?!" Mutsu half-yelled, just to make sure the crew couldn't hear and at the same time, struggling to break free from Sakamoto's grip.

"N-nothing!"

Not letting it go just yet, Mutsu punched his face repeatedly just to make him release her. "The fact that you're dyin' to keep it a secret must mean that it's some trash ya thoughtlessly bought from another planet again. Imma dispose of that world abomination, whatever it is, right now!"

"St-stoooop! Mutsu, calm down! I can explain!" he screamed desperately.

"Mutsu-san?! Is Sakamoto-san inside?!"

"Release me, dammit! Ya really need to learn to stop shopping on impulse! Just what on Earth did ya buy now to make ya react like this, huh?!" Mutsu couldn't care less about the crew suspecting stuff. All that was in her mind was the fact that Sakamoto was risking his life to hide whatever he was buying and she needed to get rid of that thing.

To her surprise, Sakamoto pushed her down with all his strength before running towards the door and opened it, just to see an overly shocked face of the crew. The fact that his Captain was inside the Vice Captain room early in the morning, with bed hair and shriveled sleeping _kimono_ , made him the crew could say anything, Sakamoto secured the long box, about as long as a _katana_ but a bit bigger, into his arms and made a run for it.

Clicking her tongue, Mutsu got up and chased the man.

"Stop right there, shaggy idiot! Do you seriously think you can escape from me?"

"I beg you, Mutsu! Just pretend you didn't see it!"

"Shut yer mouth!"

Mutsu shouted angrily before jumping towards him and landed a double kick on his face, resulting in his face buried into the floor. Even in that situation, Sakamoto was holding the packet firmly. Getting even more annoyed and suspiscious, Mutsu got on top of him and grabbed him by his collar and shot him a menacing glare to his beat up face.

"Spit it. What is inside the packet? Sex toys? Illegal drugs? Lubricant? Viagra?"

"More than half of your suspiscion is sex-related!"

"That's about everything of your existence."

"Ahahahaha! Imma kill you, Mutsu."

When Mutsu was about to reply, she was attacked by another series of violent coughs. The coughs were enough to loosen her grip from the man's collar.

"H-hey, are ya alright? That sounds bad," Sakamoto said in worry instead of escaping. He gently stroked her back to cease the coughs.

Once her coughs had stopped, Mutsu pushed his hand away and mumbled, "Whatever. I don't give a fuck about that packet anymore. Just don't get me involved." And she got off him, stood up and showed him her back as she headed to her room.

"Wait, Mutsu—"

"Sakamoto," she cut him, without looking back. "Sakamoto… To be completely honest, I do think that I am yours. Yet on the other hand, I never think you're mine. That being said; don't mind my feelings and have fun with other women out there. Just don't get infected with some strange disease and infect me with it." She ended it with a half-joke statement.

"Wait, Mutsu, listen—"

"I am a Yato. You might not think too much about it, but our race is not something you can talk freely about. We are despised and feared, so it's better if you find someone more suitable. Please appreciate my attempt to keep it a secret all these years." She didn't want to turn around and see his face. She didn't want to know what kind of expression he was making.

 _That's right, Sakamoto. The fact that you never knew of my race has given me a peace of mind. The fact that you're always there with yer annoying laughters and goofy smiles made me feel like a human. Without realizing, I became able to express humanly emotions. Even when I'm annoyed and angry at ya, never once have I despised those emotions. Just seeing ya walking around and breathing is enough for me. So don't make me see unreachable dreams anymore._

… _Because ya have always been my untouchable dream._

 _._

 _._

 _._

"Oi, how long are you going to keep drinking? You're dead drunk."

Gintoki sip on his own cup of _sake_ while looking at his drunk friend. Sakamoto Tatsuma had invited him out for a drink again, but this time he didn't really talk about anything. He just continued ordering more and more _sake_ once he ran out of them. It was about Gintoki's first time seeing his old friend drinking like this. Normally, Sakamoto was the type to drink because he felt like it and because he wanted to feel happy. Now, he looked like he wanted to forget everything and just succumb into oblivion.

"Ahahahaha! Who cares about that shitty woman! Not me!" he said while hitting the counter repeatedly.

"Are you perhaps talking about Mutsu again?"

Instead of answering him, Sakamoto slammed his face onto the counter and mumbled, "Who cares about Yato anyway… _hic_ …you are you… _hic_ …I don't give a damn…"

"Seriously, what the fuck are you on about?"

"Say, Gintoki… has it always been this hard to get a woman?"

"You've never chased a woman before, what are you saying? All you ever did was pay women in bars to spend time with you," Gintoki said matter-of-factly. "Have you ever even fall in love? I'm not sure," he said, eyeing his old friend.

"Love, huh… I thought I'm already too old for that high school stuff."

"I used to think like that."

"Uh, what, Kintoki? Eh? You have someone you like? Right now? Tell me it's not Mutsu."

"Why would I steal my friend's property?!" Gintoki retorted. "Anyway, she's a courtesan from Yoshiwara."

"What the hell, Kintoki? Aren't you the same as me? Yoshiwara's women are also paid to spend time with men."

"But not her. You might not believe it, but she's still a virgin. I haven't even laid a hand on her, dammit."

"You're daydreaming, pal."

"Tsk. I'm serious, dammit."

Gintoki was surprised how Sakamoto managed to speak normally even after getting very drunk. He was on the verge of passing out yet he still stayed awake. It was when he stayed quiet for a while before he mumbled something again.

"Ya know, Kintoki? Actually, Oryou-chan isn't takin' a break at all. She's still at Smile. I lied when I said she's taking a break."

Gintoki blinked. "Huh? What?"

"I wanted to use it as an excuse to do Mutsu. I admit that I'm wrong to be too shy to call her name on our first night and called Oryou-chan instead. That might have hurt her feelings too. I mean, no woman wants to be a replacement… But then again, I'm not even sure anymore."

"What the hell, man? You've stepped on a land mine."

"Ahahaha. I know." Sakamoto buried his face in his arms, but Gintoki could spot his reddening ears. "I can't forget her face when we did it, even though she covered her face most of the time. I can't forget the feelings. It's different from when I did the cabaret girls."

Gintoki silently listened.

"And yet Mutsu told me to find another woman. She said that she's a Yato so we shouldn't be together. She said she's mine but I'm not hers. What the hell's that supposed to mean? Say, Kintokiii…"

"You're drunk."

"Ahahaha. I know."

"You should go home now."

"I don't wanna…"

"She's going to get worried."

"She won't."

Gintoki sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "Fine. I'll let you stay at my place for one night. After that, go home."

.

.

.

Mutsu pressed the back of her palm onto her forehead. It was still a bit too warm for her taste. Involuntarily, she let out violent coughs for the umpteenth time of the day. She sure was getting sick. But if she was healthy, she would spend hours explaining things to the crews about why Sakamoto was in her room this morning. The fact that she was feeling unwell prevented the crews from asking further. She was lucky she could rest for the rest of the day so she should be fine by tomorrow.

Beside her was a glass of water and meds prepared by Granny before. Granny had cooked her some congee accompanied by pickled radish a few hours ago and she had felt a bit better.

Granny was the only person who got to ask her about what happened this morning.

She never answered, and her silence had probably given an answer to the old woman. Nevertheless, Granny didn't ask further.

As she slowly lulled herself to sleep, Mutsu began seeing a dream of the past. It was probably caused by her fever. It had been years since she'd last gotten sick. The last time she had fever, she had dreamt of her mother's death. Whenever she had fever, she would dream of the strangest things. She wouldn't say it's always a bad dream.

This time, she dreamt of the first birthday she had since she'd joined Kaientai.

Because her birthday fell on Tanabata, the crews would always write wishes for her and hang them on bamboo trees. They would spend the night stargazing and partying. And on her first birthday after Kaientai was formed, most of the Tanabata papers had wishes of Kaientai's success in them. Even her own Tanabata paper, she had written 'May the Kaientai be renowned and may we always support each other'.

She remembered Sakamoto writing on two separate papers.

But then again, she couldn't remember what he wrote.

Without being able to remember, Mutsu slowly fell into a deep slumber.

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.

.

 _ **To be continued**_


	3. Smile

**I'm glad I have some readers for this fic! Thank you so much for your support and for enjoying this humble story of mine! And I hope it can push you guys to write a SakaMutsu fic on your own too, just to make the fandom merrier ;)**

* * *

When Mutsu first founded Kaientai with Sakamoto Tatsuma, her life had taken a turn for the better. Never once in her life she'd felt so full of energy and emotions. She was overjoyed that she didn't have to continue being a pirate—the ever-boring family business—and was so excited with having people who actually cared about her.

But even so, deep inside, she was afraid if they ever found out that she belonged to a dangerous race that's responsible of destroying a massive amount of planets across the universe. At first, she never planned to keep it a secret. But nobody's ever asked her. Given how similar she looked to humans, it was only natural for them not to notice. Even her huge appetite and brute strength were dismissed as just being _a bit abnormal_ to them. Even the fact that she never bathed in sunlight was overlooked that sometimes she wondered if they were just thick or they were respecting her privacy.

The first year of Kaientai went smooth as she and Sakamoto strifed to keep the crews in line. Business went well and negotiations successful. They earned a satisfying amount of profits in their first year and it was enough to give handsome payment to the crews and make a name for themselves. At first, being ex-slaves, the crews would refuse being paid a lot of money. Eventually, she and Sakamoto managed to convince them that they deserved the pay.

It was around that time when Sakamoto started going drinking until late at night and only returned at dawn. Around that time, Mutsu was still depending on him most of the time. His absence affected her mentally that she wouldn't be able to sleep until he came back.

That night, the fifteen year old Mutsu lied on her bed, rolling about while waiting for the Captain to return as usual. He came back at three in the morning and she quickly went to fetch him. He was lying on the floor of the corridor while mumbling some incoherent things.

"O-oi, where have you been? Ack, you smell like beer!" She pinched her nose while trying to get him up. She was lucky she's a Yato. She had no problem carrying him at all.

"With pretty ladies… _hic…_ doin' fun stuff!" he said while grinning like an idiot and waving his arms around.

At that, Mutsu blushed heavily. "Y-you insolent R18 jerk!"

"What? I'm already… _hic…_ a proper adult! I… _hic_ …can do whatever… _hic…_ I want! I've got… _hic…_ money! Just… _hic…_ shut up… _hic_ …shitty brat!"

A vein popped on her forehead as Mutsu tried to hold back her boiling anger. "Some kind of adult you are. I'll never grow up to be a shitty adult like you."

"Ahahaha ahahaha! Well said, brat!" he let out a hearty laugh. "Mutsu's such… _hic_ …a kid. When will these… _hic…_ grow, I wonder?" he finished, a hand squeezing her small chest.

Mutsu's whole body trembled in indescribable anger before she slammed the man's face on the floor and stomped back to her room, fuming. When she got into her room, she slammed the door close and hid herself under her _futon._

 _Damn idiot. I'll be an adult soon! Just you watch!_

.

.

 **Chapter 3: Smile**

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.

It was Mutsu's birthday and also the first Tanabata Kaientai's welcoming. The crews were partying all night long after writing their wishes. They were all wishing for both Mutsu's well-being and Kaientai's. The girl was undoubtedly happy that she had been showing rare smiles all day long.

"Oi, you haven't finished writing yours?" Mutsu asked the Captain.

"Ahahaha! I'm at loss. Is it fair to write in two papers?" he asked, writing on the second paper.

"Don't ask after you've done it, moron."

"Ahahaha!"

Slightly curious, Mutsu took a modest peek at his wish paper while asking, "What are you wishing for?"

"First is Kaientai's success!" he cheered, showing her a paper full of wishes.

"That's long! Just how greedy are you?" Mutsu retorted. No wonder he'd need two papers. He'd written at least ten wishes regarding Kaientai's success in details on the first paper. At the lower corner of the paper was his name; Sakamoto Tatsuma.

"Hmm… you Earthlings all have surnames huh…" she mused.

"Now that ya mention it, ya don't have one, do ya?"

Closing her eyes, she muttered, "No. I came from a star where family isn't substantial. We're not bound by togetherness and mostly act on our own."

"Heee? Mutsu, you're an alien?"

"Otherwise, why would I be doing business with aliens back then? You're such an ignorant guy. It must be blissful to live in ignorance, huh?"

"Ahahaha! I got it a lot." He laughed it off, scratching the back of his head. "Then, how about I lend ya my surname?" he asked innocently.

"Huh?" She raised a brow at him before saying, "Sakamoto Mutsu, then? Sounds stupid."

"Heyy! Apologize to everyone with the surname Sakamoto this instance! There are artists with that surname, like Sakamoto Maaya or Sakamoto Ryūichi too! I love Sakamoto Maaya's songs, just so ya know! I love 'em so much that I hope I can find a wife named Maaya!"

"What, you're not the only one with that surname?"

"Of course not! We share the surname with family. And if Imma get married one day, my wife would have my surname as well! That's why if I can find a wife named Maaya, her name will be Sakamoto Maaya!"

Mutsu gave him a pensive look. "Never mind that. What are you writing on your second paper?" she asked while attempting to take a glance.

Sakamoto quickly hid the paper, "Don't look! This one is confidential!"

"Confidential, you say. I bet you're just secretly badmouthing me or something."

"Guess all ya want! I won't show this! And Imma hang this on the tallest branch so that ya can't see it because you're so short!"

"Scratch that, you're badmouthing me openly."

.

.

.

A loud noise could be heard; the sound of an opening door.

"Oi, wake up, shaggy duo! Just how long are you planning to see your wet dreams? Your dicks are already going 'this is sparta'! Wake up!" the voice of a young girl, Kagura. Following her shout, she violently kicked the two sleeping men to wake them up.

"I'm up, I'm up!" they both shouted.

"Huh? Sakamoto-san spent a night here?" Shinpachi asked when he saw the merchant.

"The guy's too scared to go home," Gintoki said, pointing at Sakamoto, "so Gin-san's being a good friend and offered him a place to stay for a while."

"Ah, you must have done something that angered Mutsu-san again, haven't you? You should really learn to appreciate her, Sakamoto-san," Shinpachi offered a harmless advice while smiling apologetically.

Gintoki was about to give signals to Shinpachi to not bring up Mutsu's name when Sakamoto let out his signature loud laughter. "Ahahahaha! Well said, Pachi-boy!" he cheered. "Ya see, Mutsu's always been a mature girl. Even back then, she'd yelled at me whenever I treated her like a kid. Without realizin', she's become an adult and left me behind! Ahahaha!"

.

" _Don't pat me."_

 _._

" _I have no time to care about you, we have work to do."_

 _._

" _What are you doing? Kaientai needs you. Don't just go off somewhere."_

 _._

He'd recalled her saying those lines often. Even back then when she was in her teens. He'd wondered if he'd forced her to grow up by being incompetent.

"Hm? Hey, Mossan. What's this?" Kagura asked, pointing at the package box beside Sakamoto.

All of a sudden, he remembered holding the package even when he went to drink with Gintoki. Naturally, the box had ended here as well.

With a grin, Sakamoto said, "Listen and be surprised!" as he opened the package.

Kagura's blue eyes sparkled when she saw the brand new dark blue umbrella peeking from inside the package. It was an umbrella indentical to hers. "Uwwoohhh! Mossan, this is… don't tell me…!" she mused in excitement.

"Ahahaha! It's hard to get my hand on this, ya know? I was told that Yato would immediately recognize the shape of this umbrella. Apparently, it's true."

"Are you planning to give this to Mucchi?"

"Planned to," he corrected.

"Eh? You changed your mind?" Shinpachi asked.

"Kinda…"

"Wait, Kagura, you knew Mutsu's a Yato?" Gintoki asked.

"Well, I kinda have that hunch back in the Renho incident," Kagura said before shifting her attention to Shinpachi. "Giving an umbrella to a Yato girl is not a simple gesture, four eyes," Kagura mocked. She scowled and tried to choose a suitable word to say. "Ah, I know! It's almost the same as saying 'marry me, I won't go bald'. Giving an umbrella to a Yato girl means that," Kagura said proudly; puffing her chest.

"Really? Where did you hear that?" Shinpachi asked, sweatdropping.

"From my papi when his hair is thinning."

"That's clearly a lie, Kagura-chan! Just how oblivious are you?!"

"Ya almost got it, kid." Sakamoto laughed before saying, "The right thing is 'I love you, stay with me forever'. An umbrella is a symbol of loyalty and togetherness. An umbrella is a somewhat inseparable object to Yato. Or so I've been told. Ahahaha!"

The three Yorozuya members exchanged looks before shooting smug grin at the merchant.

"Hooo. Is this some new trend of marriage proposal, eh?" Gintoki said while elbowing his old friend.

"Congratulations, Sakamoto-san!" Shinpachi cheered.

"It's such a waste for Mucchi to get this idiot as a partner. He's wearing sunglasses and he's far from loyal. What, you think it's cool? Lemme tell you, girls prefer guys who aren't cheaters, got money, provide five meals a day and not wearing sunglasses." Kagura let out a heavy, exasperated sigh.

"I have a feeling that the last one is completely unrelated. You just want to harass him, don't you?!" Shinpachi retorted.

"But Mossan's always seeing other women. I bet Mucchi won't want a worn out dick, either."

"Why would you say that?! Is his dick the only thing in his existence?! I'm so sorry, Sakamoto-san!"

"Ahahahaha! No matter. She's not wrong!"

.

.

.

"I guess I should go back now. Thanks for lettin' me stay, Kintoki. This is not much, but feel free to accept it," Sakamoto said as he handed his old friend an envelope of cash.

The three Yorozuya members almost dropped their eyeballs when they looked inside.

"Oi, oi, oi! This is too much! I didn't even get paid this much when I sacrificed Ketsuno Ana's show to investigate a husband's affair!" Gintoki pointed out.

"No, that's not a big job actually. That's just your personal problem," Shinpachi retorted pensively.

"It's fine. Take it, pal."

"Are you out of your mind? I can't accept this much money just for letting a deadweight stay in my house for a night."

"Ahahaha. It's my first time gettin' badmouthed for givin' someone money."

"That's true, though. We can't accept this money," Shinpachi said.

"Return it, Gin-chan," Kagura added.

Gintoki nodded before patting Sakamoto's shoulder. "I got it. I'll go double the money at pachinko and return it to you—GUHAH!"

Before he could finish speaking, he'd received a double kick from both Kagura and Shinpachi and sent him flying to the first floor. Ignoring their half-dead boss, both Shinpachi and Kagura returned the money to Sakamoto politely and apologized on the behalf of their good-for-nothing boss.

Sakamoto laughed, although he still didn't feel like going home. Luckily, before he could step out, the Yorozuya received a phone call.

"Sakamoto-san, it's Mutsu-san," Shinpachi said.

It successfully made Sakamoto's heart skip a beat; both because he was scared about how angry she would sound and because he actually didn't know how to speak to her at the moment. Nevertheless, he picked up the phone.

" _So you're at Yorozuya, after all."_

"Ahahahaha. What is it, Mutsu? Ya missed me?" he asked jokingly. He was glad he managed to sound normal.

" _The crews were all lookin' for me because ya haven't been back,"_ he could hear her cough in-between, _"I'd love to drag ya back here but I'm kinda out of shape. Are ya goin' to be back soon?"_ she sounded so gentle he had to hold the urge to ask if she'd eaten something wrong.

Sakamoto thought if she'd already forgotten about yesterday. "I'm about to go back."

"… _I see. Be careful on yer way. See ya later."_

"Okay."

Once the phone call ended, Sakamoto took a glance at the dark blue umbrella he's holding and smiled. So he guessed he should really give it to her, after all. He'd realized that no matter what, he wanted her to stay with him forever. Even if their status should stay Captain – Vice captain forever, he wouldn't mind. As long as he had her beside him, it would be enough.

Before going, he'd asked Shinpachi for a piece of cloth to wrap the umbrella once again.

.

.

.

When he went to her room, he was quite surprised to find her in her bed, sleeping peacefully. Beside her was a glass of water, some meds, and an empty bowl. Was she sick?

He went beside her and was about to wake her up when his attention shifted to her slightly parted lips.

He gulped. Now's the chance.

But then again, he didn't want to kiss her without her consent. With that in mind, he held back. Instead, his hand found its way to her hair. He'd caressed her hair just to absorb her presence. His mind went back to the nights they spent together and his heartbeat accelerated. He's touched every part of her body except her lips.

His hand moved from her hair to her face.

She was beautiful.

He'd hold back for years just to touch her face. Because she was very young. She was far younger than him. She was precious. But even back then, he was a man with needs. Even so, he couldn't afford to lay a finger on her. Even now, as she's an adult, he found it hard to touch her like he'd do to other women. He felt like a little boy who'd play with his toys until it's broken but can't afford to touch his favorite toy.

"Mutsu…" he unconsciously mumbled as he slowly gave a peck on her forehead.

At the same time, Mutsu's eyes slowly fluttered open. She squint her eyes and finally made out his face. "Oh, you're back…" she said in a low voice. Her voice was somewhat hoarse.

"I'm home." He smiled.

She gave him a single nod before trying to get up. She looked quite troubled to sit up straight so he helped her sit.

"Are ya sick?" he asked.

She only gave him a nod.

"It's kinda rare. We should get a doctor to check up on ya."

He could feel her tense up at the word 'doctor'. And then he was reminded that he was going to give her the umbrella. He grabbed the umbrella from beside him and called her.

"Mutsu—"

"Sakamoto—"

They called each other at the same time.

Before he could say anything, she said, "Ya first."

Sakamoto nodded and smiled as he handed her the cloth-wrapped umbrella.

Once she was holding the object, she mumbled, "Uh… this is…"

"The package you've been dying to know," he pointed out.

"Just because ya reacted weird." She glared at him.

"Ahahaha! Well, well, either way, ya can have it now."

"I thought I told ya not to get me involved."

"It _is_ a present for ya in the first place. I'd planned to give it as Christmas present but… well, just consider it an early Christmas present!"

"I'm havin' nothin' but bad feelings," Mutsu mumbled as she slowly unwrapped the grey cloth. Her hand unconsciously stopped when she saw a bit of the blue Yato umbrella underneath the cloth. She had to blink in puzzlement and looked at the grinning Sakamoto until she finally got what it meant.

"Where did ya get this?" she asked.

"We're businessmen. We have a lot of connection. Gettin' this is no difficult task at all! Ahahaha!"

"I see…" she muttered, her eyes never left the blue umbrella. She didn't realize that a small smile had made its way to her face as she stroked the smooth and new surface of the unique umbrella.

Satisfied with the result he got, Sakamoto said, "I've made ya stay with me everywhere without knowin' that you're really weak towards sunlight. There were planets with extreme climate, too. I was inconsiderate. I hope to give ya this as a form of appreciation. Thanks for stayin' with me despite yer circumstances," he said, patting her head.

She jerked away in reflex. "Don't pat me," she hissed.

He grinned.

"Thanks anyway."

Mutsu didn't show any sign of knowing what the meaning of him giving her the umbrella was. She was only putting the umbrella beside her bed carefully after thanking him. Seeing as his attempt would be futile if she didn't know the meaning, he resorted to the last tactic.

"Mutsu. Ya might have forgotten about it, but I told ya somethin' on yer fifteenth birthday. Do ya remember?"

She looked at the side, trying to remember. "I remember us writin' Tanabata wishes. I don't remember in details what everyone wrote."

"Back then, when we wrote our wishes and wrote our name underneath, ya commented how ya were the only one without surname. Ya mentioned that ya came from a star where family is not regarded as a significant attribute. Now I know that ya meant Yato."

"Did I really say that?"

"Ahahaha! Mutsu, you've got bad memories, huh? But yep, ya did say that. And do ya remember what I told ya?"

"I don't think so…"

"'Then, how about I lend ya my surname?', was what I told ya."

Mutsu stared at him for a few seconds before responding with a, "Are ya sure this isn't just some pillow talk ya had with other women? I really don't remember."

"Oh, come on! Even I won't make that kind of mistake! More like, how long are ya goin' to keep stallin' me from sayin' what I wanna say?!" he snapped childishly.

Mutsu let out a small, involuntary chuckle.

"Seriously…" Sakamoto let out an exhausted sigh. "What I wanna say is… do ya know what the meanin' of the umbrella is at all?" he asked.

Mutsu was staring at him for a while before looking at the umbrella again. "Oh, so you're givin' this to me while knowin' its meaning?" she asked.

"Just how much of an idiot do ya take me as?! Can I cry now?!"

Mutsu stayed quiet again.

"Forgive me, Sakamoto…"

Before Sakamoto could ask her why, she moved her hand behind his head and pushed him to her before locking their lips. Mutsu had her eyes closed while Sakamoto's eyes were wide with shock. He couldn't process the situation at all. He couldn't understand what was happening.

They shared a silent kiss for about ten seconds before Mutsu pulled away and said,

"I can't be the one to stay with ya forever."

She showed him a gentle, almost motherly smile.

.

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 _ **To be continued**_


	4. Love

**There goes my plan of making this a trilogy. I'm not even sure it can end in chapter 6 but we'll see.**

 **Once again, thank you very much for sparing your time to read or add this story into favorite or follow or even leave reviews! I hope you still can enjoy reading this very long chapter without dozing off.**

 **WARNING: Lemon. Read at your own risks!**

* * *

Mutsu was still very young when her mother had passed away. She never had a fond memory with her mother or her father. At the burial, all the family members looked like they were in grief. But she knew better that they grieved not because they cared about her mother, but because they'd lost another force they'd need to conquer the neighboring planet.

Her mother had been an excellent warrior compared to her businessman father. Instead of staying at their home planet, her parents would go across the space to find planets to conquer; her mother would find strong opponents to kill boredom and her father would find illegal business opportunity. The two of them usually spent their working them separately due to the nature of their work. Why the two of them decided to get married was beyond her.

Being an only child, Mutsu was forced to divide time between her mother and father. Sometimes she would go with her mother to fight, and sometimes she would go with her father to learn about slave trading and how superior their race, Yato, is.

It was when she was ten when her mother fell ill. And her mother wasn't the only one. A number of Yato fell ill in unison due to the same cause. A number of neighboring planets who held grudge against the Yato had joined up and planned to create viruses to bring the Yato down. Unfortunately, Yato was tough. When it comes to Yato, falling ill happens once in a blue moon.

Nevertheless, among many failed attempts of virus-spreading they did on planet Yato, they had managed to pull ten Yato into an instant death and infect more than twenty Yato in their last attempt. Mutsu's mother was one of them.

On the last moments of her life, Mutsu's mother had told her how she regretted ever doing nothing but fighting. Even though their thirst for battle was what made Yato renowned, she mentioned that she should have done something more valuable in her life.

"Mutsu, if you ever have the chance to live somewhere else, don't live as a Yato. Don't die as a Yato."

She had told Mutsu.

It didn't take long for her to take her last breath. It was barely half a year since she's infected by the virus when she finally rest in peace. Mutsu didn't cry. Nobody did. If they were worried about anything, it would be their declining population.

Mutsu couldn't feel anything as she quietly followed her father's suggestion to begin traveling across the space permanently and never return to their planet. She didn't care either way. She didn't want to ignore her mother's last words, but she didn't know where to begin. Even if she'd left the planet and live somewhere else, she would still be a Yato through and through. Not to mention, her father's business was going well because they were Yato.

Several years after they had left the planet, Mutsu's father began getting sick as well. He had shown the same symptoms as her late mother. She had suspected if he was infected by the virus as well. The virus might take different time to work on different people. The virus residing in her father might have taken longer to show effects.

Even when she knew that her father was dying, she couldn't afford to care. If her father were to fall, she knew that the man her father's left in charge would take control. She was terribly young. She could trust nobody. She was surely going to be disposed of once her father had taken his last breath.

Even so, she couldn't care.

Until that man, Sakamoto Tatsuma, came and turned her world upside down.

For once, she was able to live as a human.

.

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 **Chapter 4: Love**

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Mutsu woke up with a start. As much as she didn't like waking up late, it was already noon. Her head was still dizzy even after her one day rest the day before. Her breath was hot that it made her feel uncomfortable with each exhale. Not to mention, her body felt heavy like she was chained to the ground. Even her vision was a bit blurry the stuff in her room multiplied. Normally, she'd recover from any sickness in one day. She wondered if she'd eaten anything wrong in the past few days.

Her hand reached for the glass of water beside her futon and drank it up.

And that was when she'd noticed a strange, purplish black mark on her forearm that almost looked like someone's given her a hard pinch there. She tried to touch it only to feel no pain at all. Just as she was about to ignore it, her mind went back to a long time ago. She had seen similar marks on people back in the Yato planet.

She had seen them on her mother's corpse.

She had seen them on her sick father.

Unconsciously, she held back her breath. For a moment, her mind went blank. Her heartbeat accelerated and her body produced cold sweat. A strange lump formed in her throat as her slightly trembling hand caressed the strange, blight-like mark.

Truth to be told, she had been expecting this. Every year, she'd make sure she's healthy because she didn't want to end up like her parents. And almost every year, she'd work extra hard and plan everything far ahead just in case she suddenly fell sick. Because after seeing her father, she knew that the virus was capable of staying dormant in the host's body until it finally made a move.

It was not like she didn't expect it.

Looking down with empty eyes, tears involuntarily dropped on her blanket.

"Is this it? Is this how I'm going to end too, mother?" she asked to herself. In the end, she was going to die a Yato. She was going to die because of a virus created to kill Yato.

In reflex, her hand slowly wiped her tears away. Even back when her parents died, she didn't shed a tear. It's unfair for her to cry only when she's the one facing death. It made her think back about what her parents had thought about when they were expecting death. For the invincible Yato tribe to see a clear death in front of them… what could they be thinking back then?

She pondered for a moment before her eyes explored the room just to find a gun on her working table. Slowly, she moved her knees to reach the black pistol. Once it was in her hands, she stared and pondered again.

' _If I have to die, I'd rather die as a human.'_

As her trembling hand reluncantly held the pistol, she was reminded of her comrades. She was reminded of the time she'd spend in the last ten years. She was reminded of the time she'd spent as a human. It weakened her will.

"Sakamoto-san is not in his room again. Do you know where he is?"

"I don't know. Maybe he had a fight with Mutsu-san and went to sulk somewhere?"

She could hear the crews talking outside her room. And she was reminded again of that man. She hadn't seen him after he crazily protected the package yesterday. She wanted to hear his voice, see his face, or just to absorb his presence.

She put the pistol back and picked up the phone before dialing a certain number.

She was sure that he's there.

" _Hello? Yorozuya here."_

It was Shinpachi.

"Yorozuya. Is the moron there?" she asked.

" _Mutsu-san? Yes, he's here. Wait, I'll go get him for you."_

When the phone was finally directed to Sakamoto, Mutsu decided to speak first, "So you're at Yorozuya, after all."

" _Ahahahaha. What is it, Mutsu? Ya missed me?"_ he sounded normal.

"The crews were all lookin' for me coz ya haven't been back," she coughed in-between, "I'd love to drag ya back here but I'm kinda out of shape. Are ya goin' to be back soon?" she asked in a low voice. She didn't have the energy to get mad.

" _I'm about to go back."_ She was glad.

Taking one deep breath, she muttered, "…I see. Be careful on yer way. See ya later."

" _Okay."_

She had to tell him.

Once he's back, she would tell him. And she would have to tell the crews as well. No matter what, she had to let them know.

.

.

.

"I can't be the one to stay with ya forever."

She didn't like how shocked he looked when she said it. She didn't like how her determination wavered just because of seeing how he reacted. She didn't like how tears were starting to form in her eyes even after she'd tried to kill her emotion.

"Mu-Mutsu? Why are ya crying?" he asked, having recovered from shock. His thumb gently wiped away her tears. After that, he let out an awkward laugh. "It's okay, really. I won't force ya if ya don't wanna stay with me. Ya don't need to cry over it. Come on. Shush…" he murmured gently as he stroked her back.

She bit her lip and tried to swallow her emotions. She was conflicted whether she should tell him or not. When the time finally came, she couldn't get the words out. She didn't sob or stifle, but her tears just continued flowing like they had will of their own.

"I'm sorry," she muttered in a small voice, "I'm sorry…"

"A-ahahaha! Why are ya apologizing? It's nothing, really! Cheer up!" he told her with a grin.

Now looking up at him with emotionless yet tear-soaked eyes, Mutsu tried to open her mouth to cough the words out. However, as if something was stopping her, she closed her mouth again. She repeated the motion as though she was gaping. She felt stupid. She was supposed to be a tough woman. But she couldn't even say one sentence to him. She couldn't even tell him that she's dying.

On the other hand, Sakamoto, who had been staring at Mutsu's vulnerable state, began feeling a magnetic pull. As though casted with magic spell, he slowly leaned forward, craving for another kiss from his beloved. Caught up in the moment, Mutsu couldn't find a way to resist.

They were locking lips and it was no plain kiss like before. Sakamoto skillfully slipped his tongue into Mutsu's mouth and went for battle of domination. The inside of her mouth was especially hot that his tongue felt like burning but he couldn't care less. He was expecting Mutsu to somehow overpower him, but she her defense was unusually weak and he had to guess that it might be caused by her being sick. The way he barged inside her had somehow made her clutch onto the fabric of his clothes like her life depended on it and she began panting.

Getting turned on by her reaction, Sakamoto slowly pushed her down on her bed before ending the kiss to let her grasp for air. Her breaths were rapid, maybe because she was actually having fever at the moment. He was crazy to do it to her while she's sick, but he couldn't keep it in. It was only a foreplay but he was already hard for her. Even after she'd told him that she couldn't stay with him forever, he couldn't help but long for her.

They were breathing hard. Mutsu's breaths were especially hot because of her fever. And her body was emitting heat like a _kotatsu._ Sakamoto towered over her as he removed his sunglasses and jacket and scarf because they were in the way. Still breathing hard, Mutsu looked into his blue eyes and slowly reached for his face, her heat-infested hand studying every feature of the face she'd seen for the past ten years and he felt as though his face was ironed. She bit her lip and muttered in a weak voice,

"Tatsuma…"

Hearing her voice calling his name had only aroused him even more, which caused him to catch her lips once again into a heated kiss. This time, his hands wondered around her body, loosening the knot of her sleeping kimono, feeling the unusual hotness of her body caused by her fever. Every inch of her body burned his skin, yet he couldn't afford to care. His mind couldn't think straight. Before he realized, he had already gotten rid of every article of clothing that was obscuring her beautiful body.

He was mesmerized by the perfect shape of her body. He had heard that Yato women are all well-endowed, and that's definitely true. Mutsu was a bit short compared to women her age, but her body definitely left nothing to be desired. The curves and slender limbs that were usually hidden behind her masculine choice of fashion were bared before him.

"Mutsu…" he whispered her name in her ear, "Mutsu, Mutsu…" again and again as he kissed and left marks all over her body and made her tremble in return.

She had allowed herself to let out some small noises compared to their first night together, and that overjoyed him. He'd fondled her breasts and rubbed her clitoris to arouse her just to hear her voice again. Nevertheless, she still tried hard not to make any loud noises even after he'd got her wet like a river.

Her willingness to make noise aside, he felt happy she'd slightly opened up to him. Even though deep down he wondered if this was going to be their last time together, he still wanted to enjoy the time.

Slowly, his fingers entered her and she gasped, arching her back and threw her head. Her hands were clutching on the sheets of her _futon_ as she tried to even her breaths. Sweats started forming and trailing down her body.

"Tatsuma…" she breathed, probably out of reflex.

Sakamoto moved his fingers in and out her entrance as she twitched with every move. When she finally had trouble holding her voice down, she grabbed a pillow and muffled her voice. Not wanting her to silence herself, Sakamoto forcefully grabbed the pillow from her and threw it far away, only to see her glaring at him in return. He replied her with a toothy grin.

"Stop…" she choked, referring to his finger. She was trembling hard and he knew she was about to come.

Arching her back, she let her juice flow out and coated Sakamoto's hand. On the other hand, he grinned and licked it off his hand as if appreaciating every drop of her.

"I think you're ready now?" he asked with a smirk and she felt like punching him.

Her whole body flushed and ached. Even her head had started to throb harder, causing her vision to be even more blurry than before. If they were to continue, she wasn't sure if she could handle it.

To her surprise, he cradled her small body into his arms. She was breathing hard. She should be, even if they weren't having sex. She had fever, and it would have made her feel very uncomfortable. Yet, she didn't voice any complain to him.

"I love ya…" he whispered into his ears, not looking at her face. She didn't respond, and he embraced her tighter. "I love ya so much…" he repeated.

She wished she could reply him.

She rested her forehead against his chest and cuddled into him, slightly shivering. Still, she didn't say anything. What followed was a series of violent coughs that made him shudder. It sounded so bad that he wouldn't be surprised if he saw her coughing blood. And he wondered if he should stop there.

"Sakamoto…" she spoke up. "If I die, how will ya end up?" she asked subtly.

"A-ahahaha…" he laughed nervously. "That's some sick question."

"Answer me."

He looked at her staring at him intently. "I…" he mumbled, "I dunno. Maybe I'll quit Kaientai and start something else. Or maybe I'll spend the rest of my life haunted by yer death. I dunno…" He'd suspected it to be some questions asked to confirm a partner's devotion. Truth to be told, some women he'd brought to bed had asked similar questions all the time and they'd be happy if he told them he wouldn't be able to live without them.

She didn't look satisfied at all. One of her hands found its way to his cheek and cupped it as she mumbled, "Ya idiot…" and she repeated, "Ya idiot…" as her voice got smaller and smaller until she fell into a slumber.

Cracking a smile, Sakamoto mumbled, "Maybe I am…"

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.

.

Mutsu woke up in the morning with a weight on her. She looked up and saw Sakamoto sleeping while holding her all night again. Her vision was blurry he almost couldn't make out his face. She squinted before pulling his face closer for her to see. She was glad when she could finally see his face because she feared that she might forget his face. He was sleeping soundly, smiling and drooling like a child.

"Ya blissful idiot…" she said, smiling.

When she tried to move, she noticed that the area between her legs were full of substance and figure that he might have done her after she fell asleep last night. For once, she didn't feel the need to wash it away. Probably because he told her about his feelings last night that she felt content. Probably because he'd told her that he loved her. It was enough for her.

Because he showed no sign of waking up soon, she closed her eyes and continued sleeping. She was still tired after their activity the day before. If she was in top condition, it wouldn't have affected her at all. But as she was now, exhaustion began eating away at her. Even moving her limbs required so much more energy than she'd expected. When she spotted her arm, she could see the purplish mark multiplying and spreading along her arm. The mere sight of it sent chill down her spines. Flashes of disturbing scenes played in her head of how the virus had affected both her parents.

She didn't want to end up like them.

Mustering all her strength, she dragged her feet to the bathroom to have a short shower as she filled the tub with hot water.

.

" _Mutsu, if you ever have the chance to live somewhere else, don't live as a Yato."_

.

Yes, she did it. After she met him, Sakamoto Tatsuma, she was able to live as a human. She couldn't have asked for more.

.

" _Don't die as a Yato."_

.

She wouldn't. She had decided to die a human. Even if she had to end her own life, she would die a human. For the sake of not dying a despicable death like her parents, she had held it strong in her heart to die a human.

Her eyes found a pair of scissors on the sink and she slowly reached for them. Despite her trembling hands, she hardened her will and pointed the blade on her wrist. She doubted that a mere blade could fatally wound her, but she had learned that hot water could increase the bleeding and help her relax.

When the cold blade of scissors touched her wrist, she heard a voice,

"Mutsu? What are ya doing?" Sakamoto Tatsuma's voice rang.

Mutsu almost threw the scissors away in reflex and instead she turned to face him with a difficult face. She felt ashamed that he'd run into her killing herself. And before she could say a thing in defense, he grabbed the scissors from her hand and threw them away before pulling her into an embrace. She could tell that he was embracing her despite not knowing what was happening and only wanted to calm her down.

"C'mon, why are ya being suicidal out of the blue?" he asked while stroking her hair lovingly. "I told ya it's okay if ya don't wanna stay with me. We can just make this the last time. Okay? There's no need to end yer life. I dunno what I'd do without ya." He showed an apologetic smile.

Slapping his hand away, Mutsu quickly moved to grab the forsaken scissors and handed it to Sakamoto.

"Kill me," she said.

"…What?" he asked out of pure confusion.

" _Kill me,_ " she repeated firmly. "Please," she breathed, "I'd rather die by yer hands."

He was scowling in confusion, having no idea of what was happening. His ocean blue eyes reflected his thoughts clearly. He couldn't do it. Yet as if ignoring his feelings, she grabbed his hand—the one holding the scissors—and pointed them at her chest.

"Do it," she insisted. "I'm begging ya."

"No, Mutsu. _No._ Don't make me do this. What's wrong with ya? We can talk this out, right?" he tried consoling her.

"I don't have much time left, _Tatsuma_ …" she whispered, showing him her blight-infested arm.

The sight made him slightly jerk away. He had no idea what it was, but his guts told him that it couldn't be anything good. He was about to ask her about it, when she started breathing hard and was cluthing her chest in pain that she started sweating.

"Mutsu—"

"Do it, Sakamoto!"

"I can't possibly—"

"Do it!" she screamed in agony.

It was painful just looking at her. His eyes caught the unusually fast spreading of the blights from her arm to her shoulder as she looked like she was experiencing more and more pain.

"Mutsu! Mutsu, hang in there! Mutsu!"

And her vision went dark.

.

.

.

"We haven't detected any major anomaly in her health besides low pulse and respiratory difficulties, to which we are trying to stabilize at the moment. Her unusually high fever also posed a problem, but we managed to keep it down with medicines. However, we have no means to deal with the strange bruises on her skin. My advice will be to move her to a hospital specialized in Yato treatments."

The doctor was in his mid thirty. His hair was black and he had a strange scar on his face. Even so, the way he informed Mutsu's condition clearly said that he was trustworthy and professional.

"Is it bad, doctor?" Sakamoto asked reluctantly. Even he could tell that it was bad, judging from her reaction.

The doctor shook his head lightly, wearing an expression that was a mix of confusion and disappointment. "We are not capable of detecting what exactly is wrong with her body due to lack of past records of Yato. But we are afraid that it might be lethal. She is showing symptoms of kidney failure as well as cardiac problems. To add, she seems to have lost majority of her appetite that we are forced to transfer nutrition through other means. And that might be fatal, as I heard that Yato has unusually huge appetite," he explained.

Sakamoto held his breath. He couldn't believe that Mutsu could get this bad in a few days. She seemed perfectly fine when they arrived on Earth. Mustering his courage, he asked, "Do you have any idea how she ends up like this? The cause, I mean."

"I am truly sorry. I do not have the knowledge to tell you her exact situation, moreover the cause." He shook his head again.

That left a bitter taste in Sakamoto's mouth.

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.

.

A strange feeling enveloped him when he saw her lying weakly on the white hospital bed, injected with a handful of medicines and IV drip. Even her respiration had to be assisted with machine. His strong and tough Vice Captain seemed very distant at the moment. Looking at her made him feel afraid and weak. What if he'd lost her? Even if he had to use all his fortune to bring her back to health, he'd gladly do it. But he doubted that relying on money would ever help.

Clenching his fist, he turned around and headed to the exit.

A weak tuck of his sleeve stopped his track. He turned around just to see Mutsu slowly removed her oxygen mask. And even when he tried to stop her, she stubbornly refused.

"Listen, Sakamoto…" she breathed. She sounded extremely tired. "I…" she took a deep breath, probably because of oxygen deprivation or just because she was trying to find the correct word to use. "I'm glad I got to meet ya. If not for ya, I would've died an empty death ten years ago, like all Yato do…"

His fist clenched. He didn't want to hear this kind of thing. She was so out of character that the fear of losing her felt even more concrete. He didn't want to believe that it's real.

"…Thank you…" she said one last time before releasing her grip on his sleeve and placing the oxygen mask on herself again.

He'd wished that he could just laugh it off as a joke and received a punch from her like usual.

He'd sacrifice anything if he could turn this situation into a joke.

"Mutsu," he called. And even though she didn't open her eyes, he knew she was listening. "I won't let you die. I promise. Wait for me. I'll save you. No matter how many times; again and again, I'll save you." His voice was full of resolution that she somehow felt at ease.

With that, he finally left the room with a purpose.

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.

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"Ah, it's Mossan again. What, Mucchi turned down your proposal?"

"Oi, Kagura, be subtle when you're asking something like that. At least start with a general conversation like, "How did your proposal fail?" or something like that."

"You two are far too rude, for God's sake!"

Sakamoto didn't know if he was grateful about how their usual dumb conversation had somehow cheered him up. Anyhow, he was not here to join in their stand-up comedy.

"Guys… I'm here for a commission."

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 _ **To be continued**_


End file.
